


Don't Be Long

by littlebirdfanfics



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe-No Rising, Angst, M/M, Rickren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-06-03 08:14:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6603475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlebirdfanfics/pseuds/littlebirdfanfics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No more than Rick could help the swelling of his heart in his chest that only seemed to increase each time he and Kieren were together. It ate at him, constantly pulling at his insides. He couldn’t possibly have feelings for Kieren… He simply couldn’t. So why did it bother him so much? And why did the thought that he couldn’t have those feelings bother him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I will see you in the morning

**Author's Note:**

> This is very very slow work in progress but there shall be chapters!! This is the first Chapter of 'Don't be long' (title based on one of Keaton Henson's songs). These chapters are based on an old rp that has SO MUCH MORE than this. So basically I am breaking it down into chapters since all of it that's from a long time ago. (So much has happen since this bit like years has gone by and since this chapter and man it is iNTENSE). 
> 
> (I do not own any of the characters!! All the characters belong to BBC3' In the flesh.)

Out of any place in England, the village of Roarton had to be the dullest. Or perhaps it only seemed that way to those who lived there. Rainy, cold, grey; the days seemed to all blur together and there was little there to break the monotony. Rick Macy, at the ripe age of eighteen, felt stuck in the little village. It was hard to make life enjoyable when each day seemed like one long, depressing movie that never ended. 

It happened to be another grim day when Rick decided he needed to escape the confines of his flat. There were storm clouds in the sky but he figured that the worst of the rain wouldn’t come for a little while. This gave him time to head down the small dirt street to the dwellings of his best friend. 

He and Kieren had been friends for as long as Rick could remember. In comparison to Rick, Kieren was small, slender. His eyes were big and brown, but never vacant. Behind those shining eyes were thoughts that raced a mile a minute. Kieren was creative, imaginative, and never stopped thinking. Or overthinking for that matter. He was always careful of his words and his actions. Kieren was rather timid. The way his eyes would light up and the way the corners of his mouth twitched up when he was around Rick brought a smile to his face. 

The thought of him made his heart flutter, but he chose to ignore it and chalked it up to excitement of seeing the golden-haired boy and escaping his boredom.  
Rick was an opposite to Kieren in almost every conceivable way. Where Kieren’s mind was free flowing, Rick’s was rigid. He was athletic, whereas Kieren was not. With a stern face, strong jaw, and blue eyes that sunk into his face and always looked tired, Rick was Kieren’s parallel. And yet, they clicked. It felt as though Rick could only ever be himself when he was around Kieren. 

He didn’t have to pretend to be tough, or overly masculine. He could just be…Rick. For that, he was so, so grateful. But the thought of his father was always gnawing at the back of his mind. For Bill, he had to be someone he wasn’t. Someone without feelings, someone who had to hide. To Bill, Rick had to be the epitome of the perfect English boy. He had to play football, had to be strong, and marry a good English girl. He was constantly pressured by his father. The worst of it, though, was his father’s resent for Kieren. He viewed Kieren as too weak, too feminine, everything that he believed Rick was not. And it him.  
Eventually, Rick found himself in front of Kieren’s flat. It was familiar and inviting. He imagined Kieren was inside reading, or painting, or making yet another mix CD. The thought made him smile as he strode up to the Walkers’ door and knocked. Let in by Kieren’s mother Sue, they exchanged friendly hugs and pecks on the cheek before she called Kieren downstairs. Rick could hear the thumping of his footsteps above him. It sounded like he was rushing. Rushing to see Rick. Again that feeling in his chest was back. The feeling of his heart beating faster, of the blood rushing through each vein. And again, Rick ignored it, and grinned at his friend once he saw him emerge from the top of the stairs. 

Just like always, Kieren’s eyes gleamed when his gaze met Rick’s and returned the grin with his own shy smile. Rick couldn’t help but find it adorable.  
  
“Hi, Ren.” he greeted.  
  
“Hey,” Kieren replied, with the usual softness he always spoke his words with.  
  
Soon enough they were out of the house and on their way down the street. The rain was starting to pick up but it was tolerable. Kieren and Rick were both used to this type of weather. But still, neither of them could help the rogue shiver every once in awhile. No more than Rick could help the swelling of his heart in his chest that only seemed to increase each time he and Kieren were together. It ate at him, constantly pulling at his insides. He couldn’t possibly have feelings for Kieren… He simply couldn’t. So why did it bother him so much? And why did the thought that he couldn’t have those feelings bother him?


	2. You seem to look through me, I wonder what you see

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hours passed before Kieren even realized the time of day. It looked as though it was to rain when he glanced out the window. He rolled his eyes and thought ‘Of course.’ Rain was not uncommon in Roarton. In fact the little village seldom saw the sun. Kieren didn’t mind it terribly, though. It was what it was and there was nothing he could do to change it, really. And that was okay with him. He was overall content with his life, no matter how dull it seemed to be.  
> From downstairs he heard his mother calling for him. Rick was asking for him. Kieren, of course, was more than happy to grab his jacket and head down to meet with his closest

Hours passed before Kieren even realized the time of day. It looked as though it was to rain when he glanced out the window. He rolled his eyes and thought ‘Of course.’ Rain was not uncommon in Roarton. In fact the little village seldom saw the sun. Kieren didn’t mind it terribly, though. It was what it was and there was nothing he could do to change it, really. And that was okay with him. He was overall content with his life, no matter how dull it seemed to be.  
From downstairs he heard his mother calling for him. Rick was asking for him. Kieren, of course, was more than happy to grab his jacket and head down to meet with his closest, and really only, friend. Sure, Kieren was well-liked. No one really hated him at school, but not many took the time to get to know him, either. He and Rick had a few friends, like Freddie and Phillip, but for the most part Kieren had only Rick. He didn’t mind that, just as much as he didn’t mind the weather.  
As soon as he hit the bottom step, Kieren felt his heart skip a beat. Maybe he was excited to get out of the house for once, or happy that Rick wanted to see him. Or perhaps it was more than that. Perhaps what he felt for Rick was more than just platonic. It didn’t matter to him - either way, he was happy to see the dark-haired boy. He was always happy to see Rick. He admired Rick, and wanted nothing more in the world than to be around him. The prospect of spending time with him was enough to make him smile. The two walked at a leisurely pace. They were in no hurry. But Kieren had to take longer strides to keep up with Rick, as he was much smaller. He didn't mind that either.  
Kieren didn’t even have to ask where they were going. He knew exactly where they were headed; a certain cave off in the woods. The two adolescents often spent time there, whether they were there for a specific reason, or there just to talk, or even sit in silence and enjoy the other’s company, Kieren held the cave dear. It was a place where he and Rick could be alone; do what they wanted, say what they wanted. It was a nice escape from the rest of the world. It was as if time stopped when they were inside its steep walls. The pair had filled it with candles, and Kieren had taken it upon himself to paint on the cave walls. The two walked mostly in silence and Kieren let his feet carry him to their destination, as if it was a natural instinct that required no thought. But he was pulled from his thoughts and back into reality once he felt Rick’s strong hand grip his and start pulling him forward. Only then did he feel the raindrops hitting his cheeks. It felt as though the air had grown colder, too. But he wasn’t entirely sure of that.  
He ran after Rick, half being tugged along, still hand-in-hand, to the cave. It seemed Rick wanted to escape the rain, but Kieren was just happy to be going to the cave at all. He tried to run as fast as his legs would carry him so as not to slow Rick down. He stumbled, and the two laughed as they scurried through the woods, around the trees, and into the mouth of the cave. Breathlessly, they both collapsed once inside, their laughter echoing on the walls. Rick flashed a wide grin at Kieren, and he felt his cheeks grow warm. He returned the grin and shivered. He found a place against a small boulder where he leaned back and sat. Rick sat opposite him, and their breaths mingled in the small space between them. Kieren sat and watched as Rick pulled a lighter from his pocket, lighting the many candles within the cave. The rain continued to pour outside, pattering against the cave, the leaves on the ground, the trees. The noise was almost calming. Kieren closed his eyes, leaned his head back and let a soft, contented sigh escape his lips.  
Once his eyes fluttered open again, he noticed Rick had moved to sit beside him. He turned to face the him and gave a little smile. Rick seemed to be lost in thought, though. Kieren examined him closely, allowing his eyes to scan every inch of his face, his neck, his broad shoulders and chest…His jaw was pronounced, his dark hair cropped short. When not smiling and cracking a joke, Rick’s face was stern, stoic, reserved. Almost…sad. Within the depths of his icy blue eyes there was an indescribable melancholy that was constantly there. Even when they were together, it seemed like there was something on Rick’s mind as of late. It worried Kieren, almost frightened him. He raised his hand, placing it upon Rick’s knee.

“Rick. Hey.” he paused, his brows knitting together curiously. “Something wrong?”

Rick shakes his head and turns it to look at Kieren. “Hm? Oh. No I’m fine. Except you’re here. Gross.” he says, grinning and giving Kieren a playful punch to the arm. Kieren noticed something odd about his Rick’s smile; it didn’t reach his eyes. It seemed forced, and that disturbed Kieren. Was Rick sick of him? If so, why did he bring him here? He was so by the strange manner in which Rick was acting. He found himself frowning at the larger boy.

“Rick. You’re acting weird. Tell me what’s going on. Seriously, you’re freaking me out. Look, if it’s about that time…You know, when we got piss-drunk and-“ he starts, but is cut off.

“-It’s nothing! I told you, Kieren, I’m fine!” he shouts. The sound of his voice echoes throughout the large interior of the cave, and it makes Kieren flinch. Rick had never yelled before. At least not at him. His eyes grew wide as he stared at Rick. He was shocked. It appeared as though Rick was also shocked by his own words. His bright blue eyes met with Kieren’s large brown ones, and they sat in silence for a few moments as the rain continued to pour outside.

Kieren could feel anger swelling in his chest. Rick’s words stung, and he was visibly hurt. He meekly shoves the other male, not accomplishing much other than jostling Rick ever so slightly.

“What is it, Rick!? What is your fucking problem!? Are you ashamed of me or something!? So what if we got wasted and made out!? Or that you moaned like a fucking slag as I sucked you off!? You liked it, Rick! You can try to make excuses, but it’s all bullshit! Just admit it wasn’t the alcohol and we can be done with this!” he says, his voice steadily rising. Rick pinned him against the cave wall, putting a strong hand over his mouth. He glares at Kieren, whose eyes widened.

“Shut up! Shut up, Kieren! I’m not like that! I’m not like..like you!” his voice cracks as he speaks, choking on every word. He lets go of the smaller boy, his breathing becoming shaky. In the dim light of the candles, Kieren could see tears starting to well up in Rick’s eyes. His words tear into Kieren like a thousand nails scratching at his skin. Not like that…like him.

“Not what, Rick!? Not fucking what!? Attracted to blokes!? It doesn’t fucking matter! Nobody gives two shits about who you like to fuck! There’s nothing wrong with it, Rick…” he sighs, looking down at his knees.

Rick rubs his face, huffing. “Tell that to me dad, Ren…” He looks at the smaller boy with desperation in his eyes. “If he knew he’d…” he swallows. “I like you, Ren. Okay? I admit it! I’m gay! I’m gay and I’m hopelessly attracted to you,! There. Are you happy? is that the confession you wanted?” Kieren’s eyes widen at the words that echoed through the cave. He didn’t know what to say or to think in the that matter. His voice was inaudible as he tried to speak words that were nonexistent. Rick broke the silence; taking Kieren’s face crashing it into his. The shorter boy relaxed and returned the kiss causing the other male to push Kieren against the cave wall. “I want you...” He said in a raspy voice kissing the blonde haired boy passionately .


	3. I won't give up, not until I'm holding you

A couple hours past when kieren woke up in the cold litup cave. He noticed Rick was gone from where he was; he grabbed his clothes putting them on and heading out of the cave stumbling, rubbing his head. He found his way back to his path home, he found Rick sitting on the edge of his porch staring down he looked up to notice Kieren walk to him half smiling. He got up clearing his throat, forcing a smile to the shorter boy.

“Hey...You need a drink or something?” He said starting to walk ahead of him hesitatingly rubbing his hands together sighing.

“Are you alright?” He said with his soft words that spoke worriedly.

His kind eyes broke Rick; he couldn’t look at him in the eyes knowing what would happen if his dad found out.

“What? Me? Pffft I couldn’t be better” He said with a nervous chuckle.

Kieren looked unsure at his Rick not knowing what the tall adolescent boy was thinking. “I’m going to go back to my place if you want to come over?” He said half smiling.  
Rick grinned as he started to walk back words almost yelling “I’ll race you there! Whoever loses is a goat fucker! You a goat fucker Ren??” He says starting to run.

. Kieren ran as fast as his legs could carry him, finally he made it to his front door panting “Who’s the goat fucker now?” He says smiling trying to catch his breath.

“Still you” Rick says panting and laughing.  
Jem walked passed Kieren and Rick opening the door to enter the house and closed it behind her. Kieren sighed as he opened the door for Rick who smiled as he entered the walkers home. Sue welcomed Rick with greeted pecks on the cheeks, while Steve hugged him with a pat on the back. Soon enough Kieren and Rick were led upstairs into Kieren’s room.

“Is that me?” He says as he points to the painting of himself leaning against the wall. Kieren could feel his cheeks burn as a blush creeps on his face. “Yeah. It is” he said sitting on his bed smiling embarrassed. Rick grinned as he felt his cheeks flush, he felt honored that Kieren would even consider painting him. What did he ever do to deserve this? And to deserve him?

The thoughts discombobulated through Rick’s head. He felt so lucky he has kieren in his life and to feel the same way for him however terrified of the consequences that may be ahead. But he didn’t care about that; not right now and not right here. He wants to be present and be here with Kieren for as long as it will last. He didn’t want to think, he grabbed Kieren’s face cupping his soft cheeks kissing him softly. The kiss got heated fast as soon enough both of their shirts were both out of sight. Kieren was pinned to the bed by Rick whose hands intertwined with his. Soon enough, Jem opened the door. She paused for a brief second noticing Kieren and Rick before speaking “Mum wants to know if Rick is staying for dinner?” Rick immediately got up panicked looking at Kieren then to Jem.

“Yes”

Kieren said looking at Jem and with that Jem left his room. Rick put on his shirt quickly “Fuck Ren...your sister knows and before you know it my dad is going to know and i’m going to be sent away” Rick said his voice was raced. He rubbed his face with one hand pacing nervously.

“Rick...Jem isn’t going to tell anyone. She’s Jem you know she wouldn’t tell a soul, she doesn’t care.”

Kieren said putting his left arm though the other sleeve of his sweater. “come on, dinner’s ready” He says taking his hand leading him down stairs, Rick quickly takes his hand away as they reach to the bottom of the stairs. They pulled a chair from the table aside from each other, Rick nervously glanced at Kieren then at Jem who was looking down at her plate eating.

“So Kieren, are you okay walking Rick home after dinner?” Kieren nodded as he gave Rick a plate of food with him taking it. Rick anxiously looked around the room then to Kieren who was concerningly looking at him then to Jem.  

Jem however was more focused on the food on her plate than anything else that was going on at the table.

“Why are you keep looking at me?” Jem said raising an eyebrow looking slightly aggravated. Kieren looked at his youngest with startle in his expression.

“I’m not! I’m just...spacing out.” He said with a small but anxious smile, he turned his head away from looking at his sister to the table to proceed eating his supper.

“Well look somewhere else...Weirdo” She said looking down at her plate, avoiding any contact with her brother. And with that the rest of the dinner was quite.

 

It was half past seven when everyone was just about done with dinner. Kieren was putting on his coat looking concerned at Rick for he was acting rather odd at dinner. He understood how he felt, almost emphasized.. He was just as worried as he was, but he didn’t know how to confront Rick about it. Kieren stepped out of his flat and headed in the narrow dirt road with Rick. They were both silent most of the way to Rick’s flat, couple of words here and there however, but by the time they were there Rick turned to Kieren with full anger and near tears.  
“Get out of here Ren! Before me dad sees you, leave!” He said shouting, along with nearly pushing Kieren to the ground.  
Kieren’s expression was noticeably hurt with tears swelling in his eyes. He turned around and walked back to his path home.

Rick’s heart was shattered to pieces, as he entered his flat. He noticed an irritable father that seemed like he was waiting for quite sometime. Bill got up with a mix tape in his hand, smashing it against the wall. Taking Rick by his jacket pushing him against the door “You are to never see nor speak to that fucking fairy ever again! I will not allow my son to become a fucking fag, you hear me?!” Bill said with full anger in his voice pushing Rick to the ground.  
“Brainwashing ya with his fairy thoughts and puttin ideas in your head like he can turn you against me! Well that’s it lad! You’re off to bootcamp at the creak of dawn you hear me!?” His voice still with anger and disappointment of his son. Rick got up pushing his father to the nearest wall with all his force.

“I love him dad! You can’t just send me off just like that! I’m your only son!” he said choking on his words.

“Just watch me” Bill said pushing him off leaving the room causing Rick to crash on his living room chair expressionless.


	4. Turns out nothing is fair

A month has gone by since Rick Macy was sent away to start boot camp. Meanwhile, Kieren has not been managing well; ended up in the emergency room after attempted suicide in their cave. Hence having his dad saved him before he bled out completely.  In the days spent in the hospital, he met a boy named Alex. Who possibly seemed somewhere around the same age as Kieren. Kieren had brought up his attempt to Alex, who has suggested drugs to take away the pain. Kieren wasn’t really one for drugs but he also knew he would do anything to keep away the dreadful agony in his chest. 

 

He decided to take up on Alex’s offer for his recommendation for a dealer the day he got checked out of the hospital. ‘Simon Monroe’ was the name of the dealer that he was  suggested, giving him a sticky note with the name  along with his number on the back. Kieren fiddled with the small yellow sticky note for awhile in the car ride home. Until he noticed the note getting a bit damp from the moist of his clammy hands he kept the small piece of paper in his left jacket pocket for later to remember.

 

When Kieren arrived home he was embraced by his youngest first; with tears streaming from her cheek. She held him tightly as if she lost him completely. He returned the hug and kissed the top of her head, wrapping his arms around her never wanting to let go of his baby sister. She was the first to pull away and look directly at him, she gave him a small but welcoming smile. A smile he hasn’t seen since she was eleven years old. He knew he broke a part of her that he can never be fixed and for that it hurt him to the core but there is nothing he can do about it, and with the fact of the boy he loved is in war.

  
It was hard for him but also the overwhelming stress of his family, for days being treated like he was thin ice that everyone had to keep an eye one incase it cracked. It bothered Kieren and knew it can’t be stopped until he was shown he was getting better. He also knew that was going to be extremely hard considering the fact he just got out the hospital after attempting to take his own life. He hated this and he hated himself for putting his family in such distress; he took out the crinkly sticky note from his pocket and knew what would put him at ease.

_____ 

Simon:  
“I’m around the corner of the shop. Can you meet me there?.”

Kieren: “Yes, that’s fine.”

Simon was waiting by a small local shop around the corner of his flat. As he waited he lit up a cig...until he looked up.

“Excuse me, Are you Simon Monroe?” 

Simon chuckled looking at a young brown-eyed teen in front of him “Aren’t you going to be late for your bedtime stories?” He says in a thick Irish tone, inhaling the first puff of his cigarette his eyebrows raised amused.  
“Forget it” Kieren replied irritated as he was about to leave he felt a hand pulling his arm lightly.

“I’m joking, here” When Simon handed the drugs to Kieren he noticed a long deep scar on his wrist and suddenly held back the drugs. 

“I can’t give you these drugs,” Simon says in a soft but stern voice

“And why is that?” Kieren said calmly but slightly aggravated 

“Because I’m not letting you become like me” he rolls up one of his sleeves to reveal the irritated spots on his upper arm. Kieren pulled down his sleeve, subconscious about himself that someone has seen his scar. Simon shrugged and turned to make his leave.

“Wait,” Kieren said anxiously stepping towards Simon’s direction 

“Please...Don’t let me go home, I don’t want to be alone” Kieren said looking down at his feet avoiding eye contact with Simon

Simon stood and turned around “I live right around the corner If you would like to come stay with me,” He said almost mumbling.

Kieren nodded and Simon leads him into the direction of his flat. It was the second floor of one of Roartons poverty buildings. It was small and a bit cramped together, It wasn’t horrible though Kieren thought. There are a couch and a decent telly and a small kitchen that could possibly only fit one person. The bedroom was possibly the smallest of the flat, however; the bed itself seemed it was bigger than the room. Kieren’s glad there are windows in his flat because if he didn’t he wouldn’t be sure how Simon could live in such a small isolated place.

“You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to, but just know I’m here if you need someone to talk to ok?” Simon says while setting up the couch to make it more suitable to sleep on.

Kieren didn’t speak but nodded in response.

 

Late that night Kieren woke up to the overwhelming feeling of anxiety swelling up in his chest. He felt as though he couldn’t catch his breath and everything was spinning around him. He suddenly went into the bedroom where Simon was sleeping, tapping his shoulder to wake him for his sudden panic. Simon lifted his head from his pillow sheepishly to see a scared and slightly shaken Kieren at the edge of his bed. 

“Well if this isn’t a surprise,” He says scooching over to make room for Kieren to crawl into his bed. Kieren joined him under the covers, facing the away from Simon.  
Simon slung a lazy arm around Kieren he felt as though he should protect him for some reason, he wasn't sure why but he just knew he should.


End file.
